Even in 2019, anxiety is still often very stigmatized, so much so, that I don't really share my struggles with anxiety with anyone. I talk so little about it that my vast improvement nearly went unnoticed until my therapist brought up ending sessions at my most recent visit with her. It was in that moment that I realized how proud of myself I should be.
My amazing therapist helped me recognize what my triggers are and why they are what they are and where these feelings stemmed from. In fact, we realized that I've had anxiety since I was a child, which is crazy to me because I didn't even fully realize I had a problem until well after high school. I kind of always thought panic attacks were just something I'd "grow out of." By identifying that the childhood trauma of losing my father, although I was only two years old and not really able to remember it, was a huge factor in the development of my anxiety. That was one huge event in my life that I had absolutely no control over, so when I would begin feeling out of control with anything in my life, I was not able to handle it in the way someone without anxiety would. By going back to where my anxiety started, I was able to more fully acknowledge my anxiety and become able to deal with it in a healthy and most importantly, effective way.
The goal of therapy isn't to completely eliminate any stress or anxiety, because that's impossible if you're a human living in the world, haha, but to learn the most effective ways to cope with stress and anxiety. I'm a huge believer that therapy can benefit literally anyone. Everyone has their own problems, some are just more apparent than others. I think it's important to acknowledge that keeping your mind healthy is just as important as your own physical health, if not more. #selfcare all day. I'm a firm believer in that.
After this last therapy session and finally realizing just how much I improved, I saw it in myself again Friday evening. I took the train up to NYC to meet with my boyfriend to get dinner and see a concert in the city. However, it turned out after we went to the venue that the concert was actually postponed and definitely wasn't happening that night. In fact, it actually itsn't happening until NOVEMBER, a full eight months from now. A year ago I would have completely lost my mind at this situation, and to be quite honest, would have probably caused a scene, cursing and screaming. But when this happened to the me NOW, I couldn't help but to just laugh. There was nothing we could do to change the situation and it was pretty hilarious I traveled all the way there just to eat a pizza and some fries and have a Moscow mule. But ya know, que sera, sera. So I guess I'll be looking forward to this concert like, a year from now. Hahaha.
I have also found other practices in my life that help keep my anxiety in check. I feel best when I eat healthy, such as planning my meals out for the week, exercise (just three or four times a week) I'm a big fan of the Sweat app, sleep well (six to seven hours a night) and take the time to plan my outfits out and making enough time to do my hair and makeup in the morning before work, it sounds kind of silly but I feel like I will be more productive when I have the confidence that I look my best.
I really wanted to share this part of my life with the like, 50 internet friends I have that read my blog, haha, because it's so important to take care of yourself. I don't want people to feel embarrassed or ashamed about wanting to seek help for themselves, even though I feel that way a lot as well. I felt it was wise to swallow my pride about this part of my life and publish it to let others know it's okay to not be okay and you can turn it around with some effort and the desire to be happy. :)
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